24 April 2011 Buona Pasqua and Happy Easter

Leo called this morning to wish me Auguri e Buona Pasqua! Oh it is not getting any easier being separated from him. This illness is now into its second year. I really hate being separated physically. Thank goodness I bought tickets for a quick trip in May. I could not get permission from my work to stay longer. I am grateful for one week. Leo and his best friend are planning time for us to see each other outside of his house.


Someday I want to be Firenze to experience Easter and see the Scoppio del Carro (Explosion of the Cart) in Piazza del Duomo.

Copied from http://www.english.firenze.net/

"Florence, in the morning in Piazza Duomo the 'Burst of the Carriage': the most famous ceremony of Florentine Easter that goes back to the times of the first crusades and mixes the Christian rite to the pagan tradition with the worship of fire. The Holy fires comes on a carriage hauled by six white Ox. Than the carriage is fired with a special fuse called the “colombina”. And if the “explosion” (fireworks) is well done, it will be a good year for Florence."

Yesterday in Italian class our teacher Michele spoke about Easter morning excitement, growing up in Rome.  It's traditional to receive huge wrapped, hollow chocolate Easter eggs. The eggs always contain a toy or surprise.

I did not know that these eggs can be made to order. After attending University, a friend of Michele found a key inside of his chocolate Easter egg (from his father).  What a surprise it was! A key to a house!

I bought myself a traditional Rocky Road chocolate egg from See's Candy, but I've decide to take it to Italy next week. I'm giving it to Alessio and Asumi when I arrive at their Hotel Cestelli in Firenze.

Dinner tonight will be roasted pork roast, wrapped with rosemary branches.

Along with mashed potatoes, I'm making this Italian vegetable dish, translated from my favorite magazine, Sale e Pepe.

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Radicchio and Shallots with Blue Cheese and Walnuts

(Radicchio e scalongni al blue e noci)


Serves 4

250 g small shallots, peeled and cut in half
300 g radicchio tardivo (if you must, use red cabbage, sliced thinly)
100 g cheese (bleu or other herbed cheese or Gorgonzola
100 g walnuts, diced
½ C white wine
30 g butter
3 stems of fresh thyme
Sea salt and pepper



Sauté shallots and thyme in butter for 5 minutes.

Add white wine and cover pan. Simmer 10 minutes.

Wash the radicchio and cut lengthwise into four pieces.

Add radicchio to shallots.

Cover and cook another 5 minutes.

Place all into an oven casserole, top with cheese and nuts.

Bake 350 for 15 minutes or until the cheese begins to form a crust.

Serve immediately.

Friday night, April 22 and cooking alone

When Leo first came to the US, he was unfamiliar with the American "Friday Night." In Italy, it's common to go out with friends any night of the week. But Friday Night, a night to snuggle with your true love, cooking something special, enjoying a movie out or just having a grilled steak and DVD at home, became an evening Leo really looked forward to.

Even now, as he struggles fighting this cancer, he always sends me special Friday Night greetings. Separated, we dream of past Friday Nights and hope for future ones together.

Tonight I made one of my favorite dishes, which I first discovered in "A Thousand Days in Tuscany" by Marlena De Blasi.

The first time I made it for Leo, he assured me this was not a Tuscan recipe. Since then, I have found it in at least three different Italian (language) cookbooks.


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Wine Harvester's Sausages with Grapes

Serves two

3 sausages (lower fat turkey sausage, hot or sweet)
3 cups seedless red grapes, washed and pulled off the stems
2 T fresh rosemary leaves, minced
1/2 t anise seed
1/2 t fennel seed
1 T olive oil

Saute sausages in olive oil until brown on all sides. (Drain off oil if sausages are too fatty and add more olive oil). Add seeds and saute several minutes.

Add grapes and rosemary. Simmer, uncovered, about 30 minutes, until grapes begin to burst and a sauce forms.

Serve hot with mashed potatoes.

Saturday, March 19 Cooking Contest in Italian class

Leo is set to go home on Monday, but he's still not feeling very well. We talked by Skype this morning. His doctors are letting him go home for two weeks and then he needs to return for more Chemo. He sounds depressed to me.

I'm not sure what is going on, as I have been left out of any news of Leo's health, other than what he trys to text me. Maybe this is a Florentine cultural privacy situation or at least this family's characteristic of minimizing or maybe it's just a case of heads in the sand. Or worse perhaps they don't know true love and compassion. Or lastly, they dislike me so much, this is my punishment. At this point I am feeling numb and helpless. The students have written me to ask for updates. I tell them what I can. It's difficult and heart breaking. I'm trying to focus my anger on the cancer, on the distance that separates us and not on the people. It's not easy because I want to wake them up to see and treasure Leo, who has always been unappreciated for his genius and sweetness.

So, when Leo was available to talk this morning, I was already at ICC (Italian Cultural Institute) for my weekly high spot: Italian Lessons. Today was our last of ten sessions.

Michele (Me-key-a-lay) was a little late this morning, so I kept Leo on the phone and entered the small classroom. It was then that I had an idea! I kept the phone line open and Leo was able to listen in for about 15 minutes, until my Skype phone credit ran out. I pantomimed to Michele if it was ok. He knows our situation. He nodded si, not a problem.  Leo later texted me that he really loved his time with our class.

These last two Saturdays we have been in the Istituto's well-stocked kitchen. In past four series of 10 language classes I have taken with Michele, he has set aside two Saturdays and we have made gnocchi and pasta dishes, using his mother's recipes. (Michele was born in Rome, where his mother still resides.)

This session, he decided to have a cooking contest. He divided us into two teams, with each team secretly choosing a recipe of their choice. Today was awards day! Which team would win, based on organization, taste and presentation? Michele was a tough judge, being Italian. He knows what contemporary Italian food is supposed to taste like.

The first team made a dish I have eaten in Cinque Terre. Michele was unfamiliar with it. Except for the excess of garlic, as Americans seem to love, it was very authentic.

My team made a recipe from Sardegna and a dessert from Sicily.

Who won?  We all did!  Michele brought each of us a prize, which he pulled out of a big bag:  packet of good coffee, two types of biscotti, a spice package and a package of tortellini pasta. 

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Pesto in the style of Cinque Terre

(Four servings)

1 small russet potato, peeled and cubed into half inch chunks
120 g fresh french green beans, pointed ends cut off
Pasta of choice: 200 g trofie or tagliatelle (fresh or dried)

DeCecco Pesto Genovese Sauce (serves 6, freezes well)

Fresh basil
Garlic, one clove
1T. pine nuts (roasted)
6 T grated cheese (Parmigiano or mix of Parmigiano and Romano (Pecorino)
Sea salt

Start a pan of water boiling to cook pasta. Salt the water with sea salt.

In another pan, boil the potato chunks until almost tender. Add green beans and cook together until potatoes are done. Drain and set aside.

Time the pasta cooking to coincide with the potatoes cooking.

Prepare the pesto:

Using a small blender or mortar and pesto, grind the garlic, basil, salt and pine nuts into a paste.  When the paste is smooth, gradually add in the cheese. Stir in olive oil.

Add cooked vegetables to drained cooked pasta.  Toss with a generous amount of Pesto Sauce.  Turn into platter and drizzle with a little Pesto for presentation.


My team cooked this recipe from Sardegna
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Pasta Sarda with Clams (Fregola con Arselle)
Serves 4

400 gr clams in the shell, cleaned and steamed with chopped garlic
(Can use frozen cooked and seasoned with garlic, clams from Trader Joe's)

150 gr fregola or other pasta
1/4 c olive oil
1/2 c white Wine
Dash of red pepper flakes
4 fresh parsley sprigs, chopped
150 gr boxed Italian diced tomatoes or one large fresh tomato, chopped
Sea salt

Place the cooked clams in a sauce pan. Add wine, oil, red pepper flakes and tomato.
Simmer over low heat.
Cook the pasta, according to package directions
When the pasta is done, mix with clams and top with chopped fresh parsley.



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Black Rice with Chocolate and Pistachios (Riso Nero ai Pistacchi)

(4 servings)

200 g black rice
120 g dark semi-sweet chocolate
Dash of ground cinnamon
50 g powdered sugar (optional)
30 g pistachios
Whipped cream

Cook the black rice in water equal to double the amount of rice.  Let boil 25 minutes, watching and stirring. Do not let the rice boil dry.  Add water as needed.  It should be tender and creamy.  Remove from heat when done.

Add chocolate and cinnamon and sugar to taste.  Mix well.

Serve warm, topped with whipped cream and a spoonful of pistachios


Buon Appetito!

February 22

Good news today.  The physical therapist told Leo that his weakened leg was a little better today.  Plus the doctor said his blood tests look very good or 'ottimo' as Leo wrote.

Yesterday I was homesick for Italy, Leo and my Italian family.  I've had a butternut squash on the counter for a few weeks, so I decided to make Ravioli di Zucca (Butternut Squash Ravioli).

Butternut Squash Ravioli

Makes 24 large ravioli
200 g fresh ricotta,
½ c grated fresh parmigiana
1 egg
1 small butternut squash

A few hours before making the ravioli, prepare the squash.  Cut the squash in half and lay in a baking pan, cut side down.  Add a small amount of water to the pan. Bake 375 F. for 45 minutes until it feels very very soft when stuck with a knife. Let the squash cool down on a counter space (out of the water). Scoop squash meat from the skin and squeeze out any excess water.


Begin preparing the pasta.

250 g flour
3 eggs

Use dough to number 6.

Make strips. 1 T ricotta

Fold over. Pat with fingers. Cut edges with ravioli cutter. 1 x 1 ½ inches

Irregular sizes are ok. Slide onto board. Put onto lightly floured pan and sprinkle flour on top. Recycle cuttings.

Place in lightly boiling water. Careful…they open.
Cook 5-6 minutes.

Saute fresh sage leaves and butter in a saucepan. Add cooked ravioli and lightly toss.

February 20

I haven't, couldn't write for the last month. Leo's left leg had been getting weaker and weaker until finally he could no longer use it. His back pain, which had been getting worse and worse has finally been diagnosed: another cancerous tumor in the same area of his back. To me, his symptoms were the same as two years ago. Again, it's incredible and not believable to me that he suffered and nothing was done. 'Patience' was the word he increasingly wrote to me. And...'tomorrow will be better.'

I so want to blame someone, the system, the family, the doctors. He has no advocate. Weird, because when I looked up this word in my dictionary, attorney is the translation for advocate.

Leo is in the hospital now, after finally getting a doctor appointment with a neurology specialist. When the doctor saw him, he immediately put Leo into the hospital. After a radiation treatment to the tumor, his back pain has finally been relieved. Now, with physical therapy work, they hope he will regain use of his leg. They've started a chemo-therapy, using a stronger drug mixture. This multiple myeloma is a tricky illness.

Yesterday, I attended my 5th of 10 Italian lessons at the Italian Cultural Institute. Our topic this Saturday was the Puccini opera "Tosca." I love my Italian lessons, because our teacher Michele (from Rome) has created a class which focuses on Italian culture. The class is taught entirely in Italian.

Yesterday, after reviewing parts of Tosca, he asked each of us, "Are you the jealous type?" When his glance reached mine, he nodded, saying "Yes, you are, true?" I responded with "si". I argue with myself constantly about this feeling I have now in my life. I have never been a jealous person. Never.

Now I feel jealousy...not envious, but jealous. How totally unfair for me to be jealous of the woman who Leo has been married to and on whom he is now dependent, even to point of having his shoes tied.

But, I'm not sure if jealous is the correct word. I feel anger mostly that I cannot take care of Leo. I want him to feel the caress of love on his forehead when he doesn't feel well. I want to hold his hand when he feels pain. I want to call the doctors and force them to allow him to make an appointment. Where Leo's health is involved, I want action not patience.

Leo and I had a phone conversation last week. I told him I read, study, watch Italian films, always searching for the "perche' ", the WHY? Why are we not together?

The concept of family in the American culture is so different from the Italian version. In the US, we tend to think that by the age of 18, children should on the verge of independence. It marks the time when children normally leave their parent's home, either by working or going to school. I found a quote on-line saying the strong Italian family ties were originally created to protect the members of the family. The structure and loyalty would always assure that no one would be alone during times of crisis.

I told Leo, his concept of family seems to me, exactly like he concept of Mafia. To him, loyalty to the family is first and no individual is more important than the family. Self sacrifice.

I tend to believe this rigid idea is not wide-spread in Italy. Granted, my "research" is based on observing my own Italian family in the north, watching several hundred Italian made films and reading books written by Italian authors.

I remember a conversation I had with Leo many years ago about Christmas. I thought it would be wonderful to celebrate a Christmas together. Absolutely impossible he told me, because his only child, a 30+ year old married son, did not want any change from the Christmas traditions he had grown up with. Everything has to be the same. At the time, I wondered to myself, how his new wife would react to this. I thought, surely, she must have some traditions she would like to follow.

If it were possible to not remember our times together, and not still "see"  Leo sitting across from me, feeling his foot touching mine under the table, skin to skin...my self-protection mode would kick in and I would run away from this impossible situation.  But, I can't. I love Leo. I love Leo's mind, his personality and his soul.

Daily, I mentally work to accept the fact that we have no control over our future together.
Chocolate is a big comfort to me. Luckily for me, I don't like alcoholic beverages!

January 16 -- Spent the morning with Leo

This morning, Sunday, I was sleeping so hard, I missed Leo's calls to my iPhone, which I always have near my pillow. Then, at 6 am, he called on the house phone to wake me. We only had a short conversation because he was waiting for a student to arrive. There was a beautiful sunrise here so I emailed Leo its picture, which I took from our bed.

Last week, I sent this sunrise to Leo. The picture was taken by our friend Paola in Laguna Beach.

Within moments after emailing the photo, my iPhone rang.  Leo was using his Skype account along with his web camera. Instead of hearing just his voice, I saw a smiling Leo on the iPhone's screen! He looked fabulous. His coloring was good. His eyes were sparkling and I watched him move about the room, his back brace in place. Thank goodness he was not in extreme pain today. Leo never knows from one hour to the next, to what degree his back will hurt. The bone marrow cancer seems to be under control but the damage the cancer did to his back is still healing, painfully.

Skype's video and sound was so crisp and clear.  I hadn't seen him since November. What a wonderful wonderful surprise. Thank you thank you thank you Leo!

We talked until the student arrived. Leo took off his headset but left the Skype connection live. It was so fantastic! I stayed on the line for over 3 hours. The student was just out of sight range, but I could hear their conversation and tried to understand as much as I could.

Before Leo became home-bound two years ago, he always had a web camera installed in his office, so I could look in anytime. At the university, he also installed an outdoor webcam which allowed me to see Ponte Vecchio, the Arno River, nearby traffic and the weather. He gave me the ability to move the camera, using my computer. Nearly everyday, I watched Leo and looked outside his window. He never felt too far away with this daily contact.

Today, when the student left, Leo returned to his desk and I could see in his eyes, he knew I was still on-line. He put on his head-set but did not talk. He was not alone in the house. Since he wanted to stay with me, I pulled out yesterday's Italian lesson from the ICC and began to talk. I could see his face relax. Just as I am comforted by the sound of his voice, my not so perfect Italian soothes him.

Michele had asked us five questions, as he usually does on the first day of class. The varying answers always start a lively discussion.

We each have different perceptions of cultures, using our own cultural yardstick to make these judgements.

Americans may think of Italians as being lazy because Italians know how to take breaks throughout the day. I have found Italians to be hard working perfectionists. Italians admire the American skill of time management and organization. The American work ethic makes Americans stressed and we often work right though the day without a break.

I told Leo how the discussions had gone in class. I watched his face as he showed me his opinions. When it was time to go, he waved bye. He wrote me later that he slept soundly and comfortably after our time together.

Love endures and finds a way, even though difficult times.


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Secondo te: (In your opinion):

Gli italiani sono orgogliosi di essere italiani?
What percentage of Italians are proud to be Italian?

Quali sono i simboli piu prestigiosi del made in Italy?
What are the most prestigious symbols of "Made in Italy"

Quali sono gli italiani piu importanti di tutti i tempi?
Who are the most important Italians of all time?

Quali sono le principali qualita' degli italiani?
What are the principal qualities of Italians?

Quali sono i principali difetti?
What are the principal defects of Italians?

Quali sono le principali qualita' degli americani?
What are the principal qualities of Americans?

Quali sono i principali difetti?
What are the principal defects of Americans?

January 15 -- Italian classes have begun.

Italian class started today at the Italian Cultural Institute near UCLA. I only have one class. I'd love to take two classes concurrently on Saturday, but unfortunately my budget won't allow it. The cost is $350 for 10 weeks of two hour lessons. Class size is 5-6 participants.  Each attendee arrives with varying skill levels. English is rarely spoken.

These lessons are my weekly treat to myself. My conversation class is with Michele, a handsome guy in his 30s. This is my fourth class with him. It was difficult to understand him at first, but now his Roman accent feels just fine to me. We don't specifically study grammar rules, but Michele gently corrects when necessary.

My speaking continues to lag behind my comprehension and reading skills. I read daily for a least one hour and I'm really enjoying my books on tape which I bought in Firenze in November.  I am reading along with the audio book and I'm self-correcting my accent as often as I can.

I was disappointed today when Michele said this class will not be reading a novel. During the first and second classes, we read contemporary novels by Fabio Volo, who is also an Italian actor. Last fall, a friend of Michele's allowed us to read his 150 page screenplay, which was based on the true WWII love story of his parents.

I love a challenge. I remember opening Un posto nel mondo (Fabio Volo, 2006) and thinking it was too early for me to graduate from reading children's books to adult material. But the story captured my interest. The more I read, the better my comprehension became. Then, I fell in love with Fabio Volo and I bought all his books at Edison Libreria in Firenze.

When Michele assigned Il giorno in più (Fabio Volo, 2007), I eagerly devoured it. It was so good, I had to read the last chapter right away to make sure it had a happy ending. Michele made me promise not to repeat THAT for the screen play.

When I first told Leo I was reading the works of Fabio Volo, he was not impressed for a second. He told me Fabio Volo was (only) a television personality and an actor, but certainly not a writer to be taken seriously. Sometimes Leo is so hard headed. But he always listens to me attentively and then gives his facts-based opinion. Loving Leo as I do, I gifted him Il giorno in più in spite of his preconceived prejudice and to his surprise, he really enjoyed it.

So, the reason we're not reading a novel in Michele's class this session? Apparently I was the only one who read the reading assignments. Those students don't know what they missed.

"Il giorno in più by Fabio Volo is one of Italy's most recent best selling novels. The novel is light-hearted, funny, moving, and it makes for a change from some of the "heavier" writing that has come out of Italy the past year"  italyinliterature.com

Romanzi di Fabio Volo  (Books by Fabio Volo)

Esco a fare due passi (2001)
È una vita che ti aspetto (2003)
Un posto nel mondo (2006)
Il giorno in più (2007)
Il tempo che vorrei (2009)

Films with Fabio Volo

Casomai (2002), regia di Alessandro D'Alatri
Playgirl (2002), regia di Fabio Tagliavia - Cortometraggio
La febbre (2005), regia di Alessandro D'Alatri
Manuale d'amore 2 - Capitoli successivi (2007), regia di Giovanni Veronesi
Uno su due (2007), regia di Eugenio Cappuccio
Bianco e nero (2008), regia di Cristina Comencini
Matrimoni e altri disastri (2010), regia di Nina Di Majo
Figli delle stelle (2010), regia di Lucio Pellegrini
Niente Paura (2010), regia di Piergiorgio Gay
Il giorno in piu' (2011), regia di Massimo Venier